What would I know about divorce, I might hear you asking? Fair question, I have been in the same relationship with Jim for the past 24 years since we were 18. I have however been working with incredible mothers over the past year that have undergone the excruciating process of marriage separation, divorce and resurrection. At first I wondered if I was the right person to support them given my long term marriage but what became clear was that they needed clear, unbiased, non-judgmental, grounded unconditional support to get them through the rushes of anger, grief, astonishment and anxiety that they met when confronted with the realities of the day to day challenges which swamped them like a tsunami.
I knew I had the courage, training, strength and inner belief that they would ultimately benefit from the new living arrangements, but acclimatizing to them in practical terms was another challenge all together. My philosophy of each challenge being an opportunity waiting to be unpacked allowed the vision of hope and authenticity to be at the forefront of the army keeping the depths of despair at bay.
Being an Empath my heart would crumble each time a new reality surfaced, the living arrangements of the children negotiated, financial constraints as well as questioning if the right decision had been made….. while at the same time appearing to coordinate 'life as usual tasks' with elegant finesse and grace. What a load of bullshit. When I see the unspoken burden of solitude scream in a mother’s tears, I arc up. I arc up and hear the inexplicable story she has been set in. Constantly reminding her that its just a chapter and in the next one she is the author and writing is on her terms. The hope that good is evolving out of this initial chaos, the hope that she will get the opportunity to reinvent, reclaim and rediscover the woman she was born as, that was unconsciously lost in the melting pot of marriage and motherhood.
The tangible vulnerability…. Steaming like a ice cube melting in the sweltering December heat. Shame, guilt and helplessness all join in on the ride and putting on the brave face for kids gets harder by the minute. Mumma you need to be heard, held and gifted hope….. resilience rising. I tried to identify when else mothers have been vulnerable and experienced emotional, physical and mental pain….. the birth of a first child…. WFT no one prepared us for this…. The relentless toll on the body mind and soul, identity reshaped overnight and forever more. But society has clearly identified that women at this stage of the lifecycle need extra support like post natal care, mothers groups and associated wellbeing services.
I was so shocked to realize that there are little to no services other that community counselling when a mother undergoes a marriage breakdown and separation. She has been separated from the life she knows, from her children and from her identity. If that isn’t reason to collaborate a intensive care plan for their wellbeing then I don’t know what it. I guess like with most action I take that instigates change I got angry, really furious that we have collectively as a community let our vulnerable women down, let them charge ahead as if nothing is wrong as if they can do it all on their own, because they have in the past. This thinking need to change and so I am initiating a Women’s Circle for women who have been recently divorced or separated and need the support of a tribe that understands. That doesn’t judge, that is non-denominational that is there to hold space for them to listen, share, vent, scream, grieve, celebrate, be silent or just simply be amongst other women experiencing a similar life change. You are not alone and when we all come together incredible healing and reinvention occurs. At your pace, in your time, but the space is available and waiting. Your reinvention is in your hands as I know you know best, let this Women’s Circle be a starting place for your exploration, catharsis and sisterhood. We have your back xxx